A Blank Page

A blank page. 

What an interesting thing. 

How could something this simple, this plain, this empty feel like such a challenge? 

I used to move through my day with my kids, my family, my work looking for stories. Looking for something funny or interesting to make note of that I would later write about. I am not in the practice of doing that any more. And, I think it is a skill that requires practice. One I need to work on. 

In the meantime, until I start noticing interesting things again, let's visit the mundane.

My day today started like many other days. Up early. Brushed my teeth, beat my hair into submission, pricked my finger to test my glucose and keynotes, weighed myself, made my bed, opened my curtains, gathered my walking clothes and tennis shoes and headed downstairs. 

Pills. Coffee. Cooper scratches. 

Get dressed, lace up my tennis shoes, grab my walking bag and out the door to meet Martha. 

Even in that small remembering of what I do on an average weekday, there might be a nugget of something new you may not know since I last spent any time sharing on this blog.

I am in a fight with diabetes. I am winning. 

About this time last year, my blood work was not good. My A1C was 6.4, which is just .1 point away from being considered diabetic. My doctor said if I couldn't turn it around I would have to start on some different meds. You would think that would scare a person. Maybe I was a little scared for a day or two, but not scared enough.

My work was offering a free program that was aimed at improving the health of employees, to include those that are pre diabetic. My boss had been doing the program for several months and was having great success, so I decided to check it out. 

There is no magic pill or secret sauce....just the science that eating to put your body in nutritional ketosis works to regulate blood sugar.  They sent me a glucose and keynote monitor and a scale. You are required to check your blood and weigh every day. It uploads to your program automatically. I started June 22. 

Daily limits - no more than 30 grams carbs, no more than 90 grams protein. Primarily eating eggs, meat, cheese, full fat dairy, berries, non-starch veggies. I went hard core. Have stayed hard core. No bread, chips, cookies, no potatoes, no rice, no pasta, no sweets. None. The first few days were pretty awful, but now I am coasting and it is easy. My body is responding and my glucose levels have improved from Day 1 and have continued to improve over the last eight months. 

Yesterday, my A1C was 5.7, which is .1 point away from being perfectly normal. 

It is working. So proud of myself.

Baby Steps

My darling niece, The Queen, came for a visit on Sunday afternoon and her college professors have that child on fire for writing. She had passages highlighted in textbooks she wanted me to read. She had things she had written that she shared with me. We talked at length about story telling and seeing our lives as one story after the other. We talked about feelings and healing and life and we cried and laughed as we both thoroughly enjoy doing. We also painted our nails and ate Indian food, lest you think we were just having a emotional therapy session for five hours. 

Then she went back to college and I will be damned if her fire for writing, might have gotten under my skin. I haven't thought about writing for a long time. A little over a year since I have written anything here. Thought I might open my laptop tonight and just see how it feels. 

I am seeing a therapist. It has been suggested that I write some letters to some people. Even a letter to myself. I haven't done more than write two sentences. It feels hard, but maybe it is necessary. Maybe it helps to walk through the things bouncing around in your heart and your head, process them, sort them, feel them, put them in black and white on a page. Then put a period at the end of a sentence. That feels like the best part. The period. The end. 

You aren't supposed to mail the letters. You are supposed to burn them or shred them or destroy them in any way you feel like, to release the hard things back to the world and get them out of your head. 

So, this is me putting words on a page, doing some writing. Not the hard healing writing I need to do. But it is something.

I still very strongly believe, we can't do EVERYTHING. But maybe we can do something. 

Baby steps.