I hardly remember the me that writes a blog, but I miss her so I am going to try again.
Do you remember that I love a new year? A new start. A beginning. To try again. A blank page. Ah, the possibilities.
I have lists all over my house, as I tend to do at the beginning of a new year. Some purging that needs to happen. Some renovations to look forward to. Some plans I want to make. Some dinners to schedule. Some kayaking to fit in. Some trips to pencil on the calendar. Some green juice to drink. Some boundaries I need to set.
Really trying to focus on things that make me feel alive in my life. In all the ways...physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally. And there are other lists to remind myself to minimize things that make me feel less than my best and encouragement to be brave enough to see those things and set some boundaries around them.
I lamented a lot in the last year about not having a good work/life balance. And a lot of the people I talked to were also struggling to figure it out. When I am in the thick of a busy work season it is all consuming and I entrench myself in the doing of the work and the deadlines and the worrying about the deadlines and the waking up in the middle of the night afraid of something I missed or forgot. Stomach hurts, stress is inevitable, hair starts falling out, sleep is difficult, my back hurts from so much time at the computer, I feel unwell. It takes over and it feels heavy, relentless and not very fulfilling. And I am really good at my job. It is not new. I know what I am doing. It always gets done. But still. Everything else that is important to me takes a back seat. Unfortunately, these days a busy work season seems to be dang near constant with nothing but more work on the horizon.
This past year I worked with a woman who was chasing an upcoming opportunity. She was emailing and meeting with us regularly about an opportunity that was at least eight or nine months in the future. She studied the opportunity. Knew it backward and forward. Worked tirelessly to learn every nook and cranny, planned a technical approach, gathered a team around her to share the information, talked about how to avoid pitfalls, met with the customer, just on and on and on. The support team around her seemed to change pretty regularly because nine months is a long time in advance and people left and were replaced. But she was constant and all in on this opportunity. The day the opportunity was released, she couldn't be reached. An email I sent her came back with an automated response that said "I will be out indefinitely." Woah. What happened? You know what happened? The day the opportunity dropped, the woman's husband was killed in a car accident. Her life, in an instant was changed. And do you know that opportunity didn't miss a beat. For about 1/2 a day it was in limbo. Then it was reassigned. Someone else picked it up and the work kept going. We pulled it together and got it done without her. It wasn't easy. It would have been much better with her. But the work cog did not stop. Not for death. Not for sorrow. It just keeps going.
It was a clear wake up call to me that I am not indispensable, irreplaceable or the only one that can do my job. I don't have to be all in on everything. I will work hard and do my best - but I don't have to give everything. No one does. We get one beautiful life. So if there is a choice between sucking as a mom, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a YaYa, a champion for my own well being - OR - sucking at work. I am 100% going to choose to suck at work. I actually have that written on a list on my pantry door.
**SUCK AT WORK**
So, I am going to try that this year. To prioritize life over work. It will be a challenge. To change habits. To recognize when it is happening and say "ENOUGH". Put down the work and go do the fun thing, the life giving thing, take the trip, hold the baby, do the dinner, make the call - live my life.
I actually believe that in the end, prioritizing things that bring me joy will make me a better worker. To not be depleted. To be energized about life and living. It is a better way.
That was a lot. But I want to make a shift. A change. It will be hard. But, we can do hard things. Writing it down helps.
Welcome back to the blog where we won't always do hard things. In fact, tomorrow I will be talking about how my new Nespresso machine is giving me the shakes? I thought I was a coffee addict - but I think maybe I was just drinking brown water. This real coffee is giving me all the jitters in one cup! Yesterday, I switched to hot lemon water after a cup and a half of coffee! WHAT?
I hope you come back. We have a lot to unpack here.
